


On the Other Side of the Fence

by misura



Category: Rat Race - Dick Francis
Genre: M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-02
Updated: 2008-06-02
Packaged: 2018-01-25 06:52:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1637552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are none so blind as those who want to see.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On the Other Side of the Fence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [twincy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/twincy/gifts).



 

 

I wasn't too surprised when they told me I wouldn't be allowed to fly for at least three months. In fact, I'd been bracing myself for worse, and so I told myself I ought to be grateful. After all, I was still alive, and so were quite a number of people I'd come to think rather fondly of, to say nothing of Derrydowns.

Harley hadn't yet thanked me in so many words, and chances were he never would. That was okay.

After I'd stayed for about a week at the hospital, they asked me if I'd like to go back home. I would. Did I have anyone to come and pick me up? I was fairly certain I had. Did I think I might talk Colin Ross into dropping by the children's ward for a spell, to say hi to some of his younger fans there, cheer them up a bit? I'd give it a try, but of course I couldn't make any promises.

I called Colin and two days later, on his day off, he came, saw and handed out autographs, while Nancy and Midge, who were, it turned out, to be my private nurses the coming weeks, had my requirements when it came to medication explained to them. They also got a card with a number to call if I didn't follow the doctor's instructions and took it nice and easy for at least another month, possibly two, although the good doctor was sure they wouldn't need it. I was fairly sure of that, too.

A last handshake and a final autograph later, we were on our way to Newmarket, in the Aston Martin I was beginning to become familiar with. Colin was driving, while Nancy and Midge did their best to make sure I was comfortable. I was, and told them so repeatedly, but they didn't quite seem to believe me and kept trying to give me plenty of room without hindering Colin.

The next day, Nancy dropped by my caravan to pick up those of my possessions that hadn't been at the hospital yet, which turned out to be not so much. I was glad I'd taken the time to tidy up the place a bit before I'd left without knowing the next person to come inside wouldn't be me. She also brought me the little mail that had been delivered; I was unsurprised to find a short, sharp note from Susan, to let me know I was late with my payment. I supposed I didn't have much of a right to be indignant, given that I'd asked the Rosses and everyone else who was involved to keep my name out of the newspapers.

Of course, anyone who was able to add two and two together would be able to guess just who the 'heroic pilot from Derrydowns' had been but then I didn't really expect Susan to cut me any slack simply because I was some sort of hero. I didn't feel like much of one, anyway.

*

Days turned to weeks, and I was surprised to find I was neither bored nor itching toget back to work. I did want to get back in the air, yet I felt resigned to it probably taking a while before the doctors would let me. Colin lost a few races, won more of them, and I was content doing nothing much all day but get better and watch the television. Not every race Colin Ross took part in was broadcast on national television, but a number of them were. It wasn't the same as being there, of course. Still, sometimes, you got a better view. The commentators tended to be more annoying though, talking non-stop and seeming more intent on distracting people from what was going on than to draw people's attention to it.

All the same, it was better than not getting to see Colin at all, until the moment he arrived home, usually in good spirits yet tired all the same. I discovered I liked watching him on the television, where you could see the things you'd never see from the sidelines, the expression on his face as he finished first, or not first. Off the racetrack, Colin Ross was one of the easiest-going, easiest-smiling persons I'd ever met. On it, you could see his intensity, his passion not so much for winning but for doing the best he could do, bringing out the best in whatever horse he happened to be riding that race.

I wondered if perhaps all of the people who'd told me I'd get hooked on the world of racing once I'd had a taste had been right after all. I told myself it was simply because I knew Colin personally. I wasn't interested in watching a race when he wasn't in it. That had to mean something, didn't it?

When Colin told us over breakfast that he'd be making an announcement to the media later that day and would we please watch it, Midge and Nancy exchanged a significant look before assuring him that we would. Once Colin had left, I cautiously inquired what the big news would be. Both Midge and Nancy reacted with wide-eyed innocence. I decided I could wait, at that.

Judging from what I heard on the television, the press didn't have any idea what Colin was going to announce either. Speculation was rife, ranging from his resignation from the track to a summer-break to his engagement to Fenella Payne-Percival. That last, I considered as unlikely as the first.

At three o'clock exactly, Colin appeared on television-screens all over the country, dressed in a pair of jeans and a soft-green shirt, smiling into the cameras as he informed the entire nation that he was gay.

I was glad I was sitting down and not drinking anything. Midge and Nancy were exchanging significant looks again, before turning to me, to gauge my reaction, I assumed. I attempted to look surprised but not unduly bothered. I did, in fact, feel surprised, and not particularly bothered.

Given that they didn't lynch him on the spot, or turned off their cameras, apparently so was the press. It took them a full ten seconds to come up with a flood of questions that ranged from the cliched (how did Colin feel about being gay? Fine, thank you) to the downright weird (did Colin prefer to ride stallions over mares? Next question, please). He kept smiling, threw in a few brief words about how he hoped that one day, someone turning out to be gay wouldn't be any cause for excitement and then it was back to the studio and the commentators. 

The last celebrity who'd come out of the closet had been a singer, female and not Colin Ross. After a period wherein journalists had taken turns denouncing her as a threat to decent, British morale, she'd more or less faded from the spot-lights, never to be heard of again. That had been five years ago.

Nobody seemed quite willing to name the man who was encouraging the nation's school-children to drink more milk a threat to morale. On the other hand, nobody seemed quite willing to be the first to shrug and take it in stride either. Rumor had it the Prime Minister had been recalled from her visit to Cardiff for an emergency-meeting at Downing Street.

Colin, meanwhile, added another victory to his name. The public cheered just as loudly as usual. Possibly, most of them had placed their bets before three o'clock.

By the time of the eight o'clock news, the Prime Minister let it be known that Britain, as a modern, open-minded nation, would never consider any man less than the equal of another simply based on lifestyle, provided that lifestyle was in accordance with common sense, common decency and common law. She looked harried and a little annoyed as she gave her speech. She was also very careful not to mention Colin Ross, or any direct reference to homosexuality. Possibly, several commentators speculated, this was because the Prime Minister was unfamiliar with the concept of sexuality, period.

Still, direct references or not, her majesty's government had made it clear she was not about to declare Colin Ross a persona non grata. Newspeople all over the country breathed in relief as they now had an official viewpoint to either attack or agree with.

Nancy, Midge and I watched events unroll on television. Nancy and Midge had declared that dinner would have to be something simple this evening, as neither of them wanted to risk being away from the television long enough to miss anything.

By the time Colin got home, things had calmed down a bit. Doubtlessly, some people would disapprove and say so, but nobody seemed ready to take up arms and tear down Colin's reputation.

Midge and Nancy informed Colin of the most recent developments, quoting the Prime Minister's speech. His smile might have been slightly relieved. I was next, as Midge and Nancy hurried to the kitchen, dismayed to hear Colin hadn't eaten anything since a light lunch at noon.

"You caused quite a commotion," I said. I assumed he'd had a reason, other than simply wanting to put a stop to Fenella pestering him once and for all. I hadn't seen much of her recently, anyway, and Colin had seemed able to handle her fairly well without publicly declaring that two years of being married to a woman had been enough to turn him off the fairer sex for the rest of his life.

I'd never met Colin's ex-wife and he'd never talked about her to me. They might have parted on good terms. They might have parted like me and Susan had, only quicker, without quite so much painful memories. Divorcing Susan hadn't given me any kind of aversion to women though. Just a dislike of one woman in particular.

"The time seemed right for it."

Had he recently met someone? It seemed the most logical explanation. The Colin Ross I knew would try to keep anyone he truly cared about well away from the media and their occasional viciousness. The only people who knew about Midge's condition were all friends and colleagues of Colin's, who knew and liked him too well to talk about it to the press.

There was hardly anything about Colin Ross the news-agencies didn't know, but his sisters were a different matter. As well as, apparently, his sexual preferences, until about six hours ago.

I imagined becoming known as the man who'd turned Colin Ross gay. I didn't think I'd enjoy that experience very much. Presumably, there'd be compensations. Colin himself, to name the biggest one.

Getting to share his life. Finding a place to belong in that brick-built bungalow on the outskirts of Newmarket. Put like that, a man would have to be an idiot to refuse.

Dinner was relaxed and tense at the same time. Something seemed to be hanging in the air, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Midge and Nancy talked about Colin's plans for tomorrow. Every now and then, I'd find Colin looking at me, as if he was waiting for me to do or say something. I kept quiet. I didn't have any idea what to say, or what he wanted me to say.

I went to bed wondering. I woke up the next morning none the wiser. Colin had left already. A daring soul had asked Annie Villars what she thought about Colin Ross being gay for the morning newspaper. She'd commented that she no more cared about it than she cared about a horse being black or white. I reflected she'd probably phrased it slightly different, given that those were hardly the only colours a horse could be. Still, a positive sign. I smiled.

*

When I woke up from a short nap to find, of all people, Chanter having come by to see how I was doing, I was still smiling. I suspected he'd mostly come by to see Nancy. Still, he seemed happy enough to talk to me for a while. Perhaps he was trying to decide how much of a threat I would be.

"So, I guess I'd labeled you all wrong, man," he said. "Sorry about that."

I told him there was nothing he needed to apologize for. As far as I knew, that was nothing but the truth. I hadn't seen Chanter for several months.

"You're okay, you know? Seriously."

He came a bit closer to slap me on the shoulder. There was a fifty percent chance of it being the wrong one. For once, I got lucky.

"Far out! Keep it up!"

He gave me a thumbs up and another grin before he left, probably to look for Nancy. I told myself Nancy could take care of herself, especially with Midge around to help her. Then I wondered if Chanter was able to tell them apart. I worried about that for a while.

All three of them showed up a few minutes later to watch Colin finish second. Midge and Nancy were disappointed, Chanter philosophical. He had seemed more interested in seeing how far his hands would be allowed to wander before Nancy would tell him off, anyway.

"It's a shame, that's what." Nancy sighed.

"Luck in love means bad luck in the game," Chanter said. I wasn't sure what he meant by that.

"Colin's been lucky in neither so far." Midge's turn to sigh.

"Ho?" Chanter gave me an unfriendly look.

"It's just one race," Nancy said. "He'll win the next one."

He did, too.

*

Next morning's newspaper informed me that her majesty's government was 'giving serious consideration' to 'the problem of the current wording of the laws concerning themselves with marriage'. Colin snorted as he read the article. Midge and Nancy speculated about possible locations, clothes, cakes and flower-arrangements. They seemed to have great fun.

Personally, I wasn't quite sure how I felt about the whole thing. I'd never given much thought to it in the past, and while I certainly wasn't about to look down on Colin for his preferences, there was a small part of me insisting on pointing out to me that if Colin wanted to get married, it would be the end of my present living arrangements. He wouldn't kick me out, of course. Things would be different though, with a new person sharing the house. I could get along with Midge and Nancy well enough, but who was to say it'd be the same with whomever Colin had chosen to be the future Mr. Colin Ross?

On one hand, I refused to believe Colin would choose someone unlikeable. On the other hand, I just didn't like it. I enjoyed the time I spent with Colin, and I resented the idea of someone taking that away from me. Possibly a bit childish, but, I realized, the truth was really as simple as that.

I was jealous of someone I'd never even met. Nancy and Midge seeming to know and approve of Colin's choice didn't help matters. They either seemed to assume I knew as well, or that I didn't take an interest in the matter. That didn't help much either. I reluctantly began to consider sparing them all the trouble of gently telling me I might not fit as well into their lives as we'd assumed by leaving. The caravan, presumably, would still be where I'd left it. Possibly, the Duke had seen fit to include it in his renovations to the office, possibly also not. No matter. I'd be able to live there well enough. I had managed before.

My recovery was almost completed, the doctor had told me the last time I'd seen him. Soon, I'd be able to fly again. Nancy and Midge had made noises of maybe heading to the South of France at the time. With a hundred-and-twelve flying hours on the clock, Nancy'd be just as suitable a pilot as I'd have been though. They didn't need me. As to whether or not I needed them, well, I liked them, sure enough. I'd grown attached again. I knew that rarely led to anything good.

Moving out wasn't the same as never seeing the Rosses again. It would, I told myself, simply be a matter of creating a bit more distance. We'd still be friends. We just wouldn't be living in the same house anymore. I'd free up some room for the new lodger. The bungalow wasn't really big enough for five people anyway, and if anyone had to go, it would obviously be me.

All in all, I was fairly pleased with the way I'd worked things out. I bought a pair of sturdy bags. Packed a few things I rarely wore. Brought up the topic of my upcoming departure over dinner. Colin had called in with apologies five minutes ago.

Nancy said: "You want to do what?" Her tone implied I'd suggested it might be fun to sleep outside this night. It was in the middle of winter, and pouring.

"It seemed a good idea," said I, defensively. "What with Colin probably wanting to get married again and all that. I don't want to be in the way."

"You - " started Nancy. She didn't look like she was about to agree with me.

"Nancy," said Midge.

"You should probably ask Colin how he feels about that," said Nancy, glancing at Midge.

I promised I would. Nancy and Midge talked about the weather, and what time Colin might get home. On the ten o'clock news, it was announced that there was a law-amendment in the making.

*

Colin was dead-tired by the time I got around to asking his opinion about my moving out. He pretended he wasn't, though. I decided I might as well play along. What I had to say wouldn't take that long, anyway. I was convinced Colin, unlike his sisters, would see things my way. He was good at that.

He told me I could do whatever I bloody well pleased. From Colin, that was rather less civilized language than usual. I blamed his exhaustion. Packed another bag. Wrote Susan, to let her know my new address. Got strange and slightly hostile looks from Midge and Nancy over breakfast the next day.

Harley had grudgingly told me he'd arrange for a plane to pick me and my things up. I wasn't looking forwards to the flight too much. Most pilots don't quite like being flown by someone they don't know. Some don't like being flown by a friend, either. I trusted Harley had hired a competent pilot. Probably also one who didn't fly too fast for Harley's tastes.

Waiting for me was a note from Susan. She intended to get married to her demolition-man coming May. Honey had stocked the fridge again. I was grateful, and told her so over the phone. It seemed cowardly. Perhaps it was time for me to move on, find someone else. Not Honey Harley, clearly, but someone else. The world was full of them. I drank a lot more beer than I would have if I'd been flying the next day.

*

The headache I woke up with the next morning wasn't too much of a surprise. The fact that someone was banging on my door at a few minutes to seven was. I couldn't think of anyone I'd annoyed badly enough for them to come call on my at an hour like that. Then again, those kinds of things you usually found out about too late for you to go and do anything about them. 

I considered pretending I was still asleep, then discarded the idea as unfeasible. It seemed safe to assume that whoever was out there knew some of the basic things about me, such as the fact that I wasn't deaf. I put on some clothes and hoped the door would hold out for another while.

As it turned out, it did. 

"About bloody time," said Nancy. From her position, I assumed she'd been the one making a fair attempt at breaking down my door. Midge was standing a bit to the side, her expression that of a woman on a mission. Nancy's face was like that, too, except that where Midge looked determined, Nancy looked angry. Colin's was the only face showing even a glimpse of being apologetic.

"Good morning," I said.

Nancy snorted. Midge grimaced. Colin's expression didn't change but I caught a glimmer of amusement in his eyes. It was nice to know at least one person was finding this entertaining.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" I asked. It seemed the polite thing to ask. It also seemed logical to assume the three of them weren't just here to drag me out of bed early.

Given that Nancy seemed about ready and willing to give me the same treatment she'd given my door, I glanced at Midge.

"Just to answer a simple question," she said.

"After all the trouble I went through to get here, he'd bloody well better make it the _right_ answer," Nancy grumbled. I assumed that meant she'd flown her brother and sister here. I'd been wondering about that, although I should have known Colin would never have spent the money on hiring both a pilot and a plane simply so that he could ask me a question in person, instead of doing so over the phone. He would have been able to afford it, of course. Colin was hardly poor. It wouldn't have been like him, though. Colin rarely spent money on extravagancies, and when he did, it was usually to do something for his sisters.

"What question?" I asked, though I could guess. Or rather: I knew what I wanted the question to be. I wanted to be asked to go back to Newmarket, even though I'd left by my own choice, less than a day ago. It would be senseless to go back there. All the arguments I'd used to convince myself it would be better for everyone if I left were still valid. What I wanted or didn't want didn't make any difference.

It wouldn't make refusing them any easier, though.

Nancy and Midge looked at Colin. Apparently, they felt he should have the honor, such as it was. If anyone ruled the Ross-household, it was more likely to be his sister than Colin himself. Still, perhaps they felt a man-to-man conversation was called for.

I knew that if anyone might understand my reasons for leaving, Colin was the most likely candidate. I also knew that if he were to ask me anything, I would find it very difficult, if not to say impossible to refuse him. Given that the milk-consumption of Britain's school-going youths had increased by a full ten percent since Colin had agreed to be the posterboy for the dairy-industry, I was hardly the only one he had that effect on. All in all, having to refuse Nancy or Midge might have been easier.

Colin was looking at me. I met his gaze and realized my mistake a little too late. 

"What are you waiting for? The first journalist to show up and try to get an exclusive?" Nancy asked.

No matter how good my reasons were, Colin, like Nancy and Midge, wouldn't buy them when he knew very well that I didn't actually want them to leave me alone.

Colin cleared his throat. "Well, I didn't really want to rush this," he said. "But I'm afraid Nancy's right; it seems I can barely go anywhere these days without someone from one newspaper or another showing up within the hour." He grinned ruefully. "My own fault, I suppose."

"Yes," I said intelligently.

He gave me another look. "You do realize you don't have to say that, I hope? I - we all value you as our friend. If you say 'no' - well, I can't promise you I'll simply go and leave it at that, but I'm not going to stop being your friend because of it, and neither will Nancy or Midge."

It slowly began to dawn on me I'd unwittingly answered the question already, and that it hadn't quite been the one I'd been expecting.

Colin smiled. It looked good on him. It always did, of course. "I'd gone and brought a ring and everything." He chuckled. "Now here we are and I didn't even get a chance to use it."

"Maybe some other time," I said.

"There's twenty-nine priests already who's said they wouldn't mind having Colin get married in their church even if it's to another bloke," Nancy said. "How about that?"

"There's also been four who's said my soul is damned," Colin commented, smile still in place.

"An obvious minority," pointed out Midge.

"They're probably just jealous," I said.

"They should be," said Nancy.

I supposed she had a point there. I also supposed that I could live with a chance of four against twenty-nine of being damned for agreeing to get married to the most deservedly popular man in all of Britain.

(The newspapers now, that was a different barrel of fish altogether.)

 


End file.
